letting go. moving on


I’ve waited for 6 months. Trying to make myself believe that everything can still be fixed. That we can still go back to the way it used to be.

We used to held hands all the time. You’ll kiss me sweetly without any hesitations; even my underarm. You’ll softly whisper “i love you mamy,” and that will make me smile. Even the simplest things you say, your jokes, your laugh, the way you sing, it makes my day.

From the bottom of my heart and soul, I am sorry. Whatever my mistakes are, I fully regret being there. But you know and everybody knows I did everything i can to save us, for forgiveness and maybe happiness. but you showed no hope. it’s my fault i know.

everything has been said and done, all efforts exhausted, all tears cried, all laughs given but i guess this is us. this is just the end of us. i still dream of you waiting on that other end of the isle for me. choirs singing, the hymn of the piano beats with my heart as i stride along that velvet carpet. i still dream of marrying you. but i guess some dreams are just stagnant and stay as dreams forever.

memories are all that’s left now. one day we will see each other, holding someone else’s hands, laughing with other people’s jokes, living our own separate lives. at this moment, tears are running down my cheek. the cheek you used to cuddle with love. right now, my hands are trembling, the hands you used to kiss with care. right now my heart shatters, the heart that has always been yours.

what have become of us? why the hell are we at places we never dreamed together. places away from each others arms. i wonder what you’re doing right now. is someone making you smile? have you fallen for somebody else? do you still care? i feel so helpless, i feel so weak.

jeff, it’s sad walking alone everyday. it’s sad waiting for someone to care for you in times you need it. it’s frustrating to wait for someone to hug you and say; “im here, no one’s gonna hurt you. you’re safe. don’t cry.”

i wish you happiness. i wish you the life we dreamt of or maybe something better than that. i wish you love, fulfillment and life. i wish us forgiveness. i wish you won’t lose hope on living. learn to respect, learn to love petty things, learn to love people who loves you. and i will try to learn how to live without you. you have been half of my life. now, i can say i can already let go. inch by inch, day by day. but please do not forget me, and do not forget that you will always be remembered.

God knows how much i love you. He knows how much i tried. and He knows for sure how tired i got. im letting go. im moving on. we will take our steps with our backs facing each other, with our hearts tact in our chests. see you wherever fate might bring us together again.


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