Father’s day has passed and please don’t ever think that I forgot about you. Well, I have been using the “a lot has been happening” reason to a lot of people whom I tried to walk away from. I just don’t want to explain.
Remember that time you gave me your “last will”? To not leave the family like, ever? I want to feel that again. It sort of made me strong, you know. When someone believes in me. I know a lot of people pushes me to go. “You can do it”, I would always hear that from them. But there was never like you.
See, I am at my lowest right now. I feel so fragile, so vulnerable. I always thought it was okay to be such but I realized I hate to be this weak. I always thought I’m strong, that I can do anything or surpass anything but I was so wrong. I hate to know that there are a lot of thing that I cannot do. There are a lot of things I can’t be which I thought I could. The worst part of it is, people with bad intentions will make you feel that they can make your stupid dreams come true. Then the truth will just hit you hard. You will soon realize that there are things you can’t be and there are people who are a lot better than you or just really born lucky and you’re not. You’ll end up feeling so stupid and hopeless and just shatter.
I know you’re so fed up with the drama. I just know that if you were here, I’ll instantly be inside your huge arms kissing me on my cheeks and cheering me up. You have always believed in me and I just miss that, Pa. These nights kept me awake while trying to hold back my tears but someone told me to ‘keep moving’. I realized there’s really no way back but just forward. There would be no use of stepping out or going back and that’s what I am exactly gonna do.
I know you’re getting all my letters. As soon as we get the chance, I have a lot to tell you. I miss you, Pa. See you when I get there.