Anong PaBirthday Mo Papang?

Masaya ka ano, Birthday ko na naman, wala pa akong biyenan. Kaunti na lamang, lampas na ako sa kalendaryo. ‘Di na din biro, ano?

Mas mahirap na ngayon Pa. Mas malaking pagsubok, pero araw-araw mas sumasaya ang buhay. Sana andito ka para kasma kita sa bawat tagumpay ko. Pero alam ko na nakikita mo ako, kami; at alam kong masaya ka din.

Huy, gabayan mo pa din ako ha? Gabayan mo pa din kami. Alam mo ga, sa tuwing ako’y susuko na, aalalahanin ko nung bata ka at nagtitinda ng gulay sa daan, o makikisilip sa bintana ng kapit-bahay at makikipanood ng tv. Sa tuwing gusto kong manakit ng kapwa, iniisip ko kung paano kayo ni Mama tumulong sa lahat ng kaya nyong tulungan. Kung paano magpatawad si Mama. Hindi rin nga pala biro eh, ano?

Sumulat lang ako kasi birthday ko. Baka kako may ihuhulog kang regalo galing jan. Pwede na ang maboboypren.

See you when I get there Papang.

Love,

Your not-so-Nini

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Dear Love

You are so precious to me and all I can think of when I think of you is purity. Your heart and soul is just as pure as white. You are a blessing to everyone.

I can remember seeing you cry every time we leave to work overseas. I can remember your voice in the bathroom, singing while taking a  bath. I can remember you getting mad at people who bullies the ones you love and care for. I can only remember good things about you, my love. You bring smiles to us, and overflowing happiness and all the goodness the world don’t deserve.

Today, I am pretty emotional. Because the three of you are babies no more. And sooner, i’d have to let go of you one by one. Today, I want to thank you for understanding Ate Nini, for not asking too much and for being thankful of all the little things, for always being there for us no matter what, for standing for what and who’s right, for helping people and for forgiving. You have a very beautiful soul Ate Bebe and I can’t be prouder to be your sister.

Always remember that Ate is always here for you no matter what. I love you with all of me. And Ate is always at your back. Happy 18th Birthday my Love! I know the heavens will bless you for as long as you live. I wish that you get all your heart’s desire. 🙂

 

Love,

Ate

Mi Ultima Carta

Mahal, sumulat akong muli

Sumulat akong muli upang marinig

Hindi ang iyong tinig o ang iyong himig

Kundi ang ating dulang nalipasan ng pagibig

 

Mahal, isinulat kong muli ang ating kwento

Noong panahong walang ikaw, ako, wala pang tayo

Noong araw na una kong nasilayan at natitigan

Ang ngiti mong abot langit, ang mukha mo na kay liwanag

 

Naaalala mo, alam kong naaalala mo

Ang init ng aking kamay, ng yakap at ng halik

Mahal, alalahanin mo, pakiusap alalahanin mo

Ang mga araw, minuto, segundo na kay tamis

 

Naaalala ko, Mahal malinaw sa aking isip

Lahat ng ating pangarap, lahat ng nais makamit

Pinangarap natin ang buwan, inabot nating pilit

Ngunit sa aking paglingos, wala ka na sa aking piling

 

Hinanap kita, hinanap kang pilit

Naaalala mo ba? Nangako ka ng pagibig

Pagibig na walang tapos, pagibig na walang dulo

Bakit sa ilalim ng buwan ay nagiisa ako?

 

Aking Mahal, nasaan ka?

Naligaw, nawala, hindi kita makita

Isang milyong talatang nilikha ng aking puso

Hindi alam kung isisigaw, isusulat ba o baka isuko

 

Kaya ngayon, ako’y sumulat, sa munti kong pahina

Upang sabihin sa iyo na ako ay nandirito pa.

Mahal ko, ito’y huling liham na inakda at pinakaigihan

Para sa iyo’y ipaalam, na ako’y maghihintay lamang.

 

I wrote this for two people whose very close to my heart.. I hope your hearts find their way back where they belong; together. Love, ate Nene.

 

My Love

My love, I have the need to tell you that I am just as proud of you as when we were young and you first danced with Papa’s tap on the wall. And that will never change. I love you as much as I do yesterday and will love you more everyday just as I love all four of you, just as much as how Papa and Mama loves you.

When you get old and you have little ones to look after, you will know what pain and happiness and struggle and laughter and sadness of being apart and all this chaos of emotions feel, all at the same time. You will understand why I have to be mean, why I have to say harsh words when I think you’re out of track, why I have to hide my struggles, why I have to always be strong and why I’m so happy. It is all because of you and the rest of the girls.
I was lost, too. I was so lost, I couldn’t even tell who I am. But all I did was look at you and the girls sleeping, one night, and I knew where I should be and what I should be doing. Do not lose that strength between you and us. That will definitely help you hold on to our goal. You will make mistakes, you will get heartbroken, you will cry a lot and conquer all this life’s drama. But always know that you are not alone. You are not alone. You will NEVER be alone. Don’t take yourself away from us. Don’t change yourself to someone you would hate when you stare at her.
Life can be destiny, but it’s also made of decisions. Wherever you need to be, whatever you ought to make of yourself, it will be by your decisions. One wrong step is never a flaw, remember that. But as long as you keep in your heart what makes you move forward, you’ll never get lost. And when the time comes, when you do not know where you are and where you have to go, when I see you need that tight grip on your hand, I’ll pull you up. We will pull you up. We are always around.
Ate loves you.

Isa Pang Yakap, Papa.

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Nung huli tayong nagusap, naaalala ko pa po ang huli nyong sinabi. “Hindi sa lahat ng oras andito si papa. Pag nawala ako, ikaw na ang partner ni mama.”

Hindi ko po kinakalimutan. At pagkatapos nga ng ilang araw, iniwan mo na kami.

Papa, hindi ko po alam kung nasa tamang daan ako. Hindi ko rin po alam kung tama ang ginagawa ko pero hindi ko rin po alam kung ano mang mali ang ginawa ko. Sinasaisip ko lang po ang bilin nyo.

Pa, kung andito ka magsusumbong po ako. Kung paano po ako nasaktan at nasasaktan. Kung anong hirap ang mga dinaanan namin at mga dinadaanan pa. Kung gano ko kagustong magsalita sa lahat ng nanakit kay mama at sa mga kapatid ko. Kung gaano ko kagustong baguhin yung buhay na naiwan nyo.

Pero hindi ko po gagawin dahil kayo din po ang nagturo saakin ng lakas ng loob, paggalang sa tao, pagpanig sa tama, at wag na wag ang sasagot sa mas matanda. Na huwag susuko, na pamilya muna, na walamg imposible sa nagsusumikap, na libre mangarap pero pagtatrabahuhan para makuha yon. Tinuro nyo rin po na tayo-tayong pamilya lang ang magtutulungan. Nakita ko po sainyo kung paano maging tunay na kaibigan. Tinuro nyo po na hindi pera ang sukatan, kundi ang moral, na dapat magpakababa sa lahat ng oras. Napakadami pa po. Dala-dala ko naman lahat.

Sa ngayon po, nahihirapan man kami ni mama, malayo man kami nina ineng sa isa’t isa, may mga taong maliit ang tingin saamin, may mga taong pilit na sasaktan kami, alam ko naman po na hindi susuko kahit isa sa pamilya naten, hindi ko rin po sila susukuan.

Pero, hihingi po sana ako ng pabor. Papa, isang yakap pa po. Yung mahigpit.

 

a kiss inside an open letter…

Papa,

it’s been, almost, four long years since we last talked with each other. i’ll assume you miss me a lot. hehehe… and i miss you too.
i went to your place earlier. it seems you’re not there. but i stayed.
your “house” is a little messy so i cleaned some area. i’m sorry i forgot to bring you something to “light up” your place.

you might be asking why i went to your visited without giving you notice. huh? how?
well, I went there to know if you still care? To feel that you are still my father, to know if I could still feel you. (no please, don’t misinterpret that one.) to ask you to take care of mama, our whole family… to bring HIM our wishes. to ask help from you. Pa, I feel so tired. it’s like i wanted to stand in the middle of the street and wait for you to drag me up there. Like I want to shout all these words inside me. I want to feel the feeling of not being alone.

I miss you pa. and I love you… see you when I get there.