Laot

Nagbadya ng bagyo ang dilim ng gabi

Kita ko ang buwan ngunit ramdam sa dibdib

Ang alon ng dagat na hindi mapakali

May unos na parating, hangin ang nagsabi

 

Ihanda mo ang iyong sandatang tago

Hawakan ng mahusay, patalim na hinango

Sa apoy pinanday, hinulma, pinagtibay

May parating na bagyo, bulong niyang malumanay

 

Tibayan mo ang puso, tibayan mong tunay

Baon ko ang aral na mana sa buhay

Baon ko ay tapang, gilas at isip

At pananalig na balang araw, kakalma ang tubig

 

Lakbayin mo ang dagat, tawirin ang laot

Wag kang aatras, wag matatakot

Sa kabila ng alon, doon naghihintay

Yamang hindi ginto, yamang panghabang buhay

Huy, Pareng Ayong

Nalipasan pero di nakalimutan. Huwag na huwag ang magtatampo. Noong araw na yon ay iniisip kita sa maghapon, kako ba ga, “Totoo kaya ang pangalawang buhay?” Kung totoo man, saan ka kaya napunta? Biro lang.

Lilipon lang ulit ako sa iyo. Para ba gang katagal na nating hindi naguusap. Katagal na nating hindi nagkita.

Labing isang taon na. Labing isang taon na kinailangan naming pigilan bawat iyak, bawat sakit, bawat hirap. Labing isang taong ginusto naming magsumbong sa noo’y kinatatakutan ng lahat ng mangaapi. Labing isang taon… na ang tanging nais ko’y sabihin sa iyo na “Huy, andito na ako, malayo layo na rin ito. Halos maabot ko na ang naabot mo. Alam kong hindi kita malalagpasan pero mapapantayan, malamang.” Labing isang taon… Ang tagal na ano? Na ako’y nangungulila.

Natakot ako nung isang araw, na baka makalimutan kita. Ang pakiramdam ng yakap mo, o ng yakap ko sa malaki mong tiyan. Natakot akong makalimutan ang amoy ng damit mona nilabhan ni Mama, o ang amoy mo kapag uuwi kang lasing at gumegewang. Gumegewang gewang pero deretso sa aming kwarto para silipin kung nakagat kami ng lamok. Hilong hilo pero alam kung saan dadapo ang mainit mong kamay; sa aming ulo, haplos na sinasabi ba gang “Andito na ako anak. Tutulog na din si Papa.”

Kaya ayaw kong kumustahin ka, lagi akong naiiyak. Lagi akong nalulungkot. Palagi kong naiisip kung ano kayang nangyari kung andito ka pa rin. Niiyak akong isipin na, wala na akong kinukumusta at kahit anong daming sulat angiparating ko sa iyo, walang babalik na sagot. Ako lamang din ang hihiling na sana, kung may panagalawang buhay nga, nanonood ka sa bawat tagumpay ko. Sana naririnig mo lahat ng hinaing ko. Sana nayayakap mo ko kahit hindi ko ramdam (huwag ka magpaparamdam!). At sana, kapag nagkita na tayo ulit, maipagmalaki mo pa rin ako diyan, kung nasan ka man.

Dalaw ako paguwi Papa. See you when I get there!

Tong-its

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Sugal, ito ang aking hiling

Ito ang tanging nais, na ibigay mo sa akin

Hindi ko tatanggapin ang kahit anong barya

Hindi ko gusto kahit malutong mong pera

 

Itapon mo ang pusong iyong pinaka tago tago

Wag kang matakot na matalo sa balasang ginawa ko

Kahit anong gawing halo o daya ng tadhana

Itapon mo ang puso nang baraha ko ay mabuo

 

Sumugal ka naman, utang na loob, pakiusap

Dahil ang mga hawak mong baraha ay di ko maaninag

Heto na lahat ng ako, nakababa, nakalatag

Pero ang plano mo sa atin, wala, di ako mapanatag

 

Ano na? Ipapatalo ko ba ang laban?

Hahayaang masunog na lang lahat ng pinangarap?

Akala ko ba dahan-dahan lang, walang dayaan?

Tapon ako ng tapon tapos ikaw bunot ng bunot lamang.

 

Kumusta Ga Pareng Ayong?

Tuwing susulat ako ng kung ano man na para sa’yo, palagi akong kaagad na luluha sa unang salita pa lamang. Pero hindi po ngayon. Gusto ko lang makipagpulong. Gusto ko lamang malaman kung kumusta ka na ba ga diyan. Gusto ko lamang malaman kung ano na ga pong lagay ninyo diyan. Siyempre, wala akong makukuhang sagot pero gusto ko lamang pong may makapulong habang iniisip ko ang dati ay pinapangarap natin na sama-sama.

Nakakatuwa Papa. Ang lalaki na ba ga nina ineng. Malaki pa po sa akin. Ang Bilis ng panahon. Noon ay natakas lamang tayo sa Mama sa pagbili ng kung ano mang magustuhan sa 7-11. Ngayon ay sila na lamang tatlo ang nagdedesisyon kung anong gagawin nila sa araw-araw. Ang bilis po ng panahon Papa. Dati ay palo at malakas na boses ninyo lamang ang alam naming parusa. Ngayon, napakalaking dagok at parusa na magkahiwa-hiwalay kami para lang mabuhay. Napakabilis po ng panahon Papa. Dati naghahabulan lamang kami sa loob ng bahay naten na inaki ba ga’y magigiba na, gayong may tukod na sa silong. Ngayon po’y nakikipaghabulan na kami sa maikling oras ng buhay, nakikipaglaro sa tadhana at posibleng oportunidad na makaahon sa buhay na dati ga naman po ay kasaya-saya naman.

Ngayon naman po ay masaya pa din. Kahit ganireng naiwan nga po ang tatlo sa atin, sabi ko naman po sa kanila ay masaya ang buhay. Na maswerte po kami na napalaki nyo naman kami ng matatag at naharap ng maayos sa problema. Na kami po ay malulusog. Naku po Papa, pag nakita nyo po si Bebe. Pagkakalusog po. Sinabi ko po sakanila na hindi dahil hiwahiwalay kami ay pinabayaan na namin sila ni Mama. Alam nila kung bakit po kami ay narine at nagtatrabaho. Ipinaliwanag naman po namin sakanila na isang araw, magkakasama-sama din po kami. Syang ga nga lang po at kayo ay naandiyan na. Di ga’y mas masaya sana kung andine pa kayo. Ay sabi ng Inay Mindoro, ay talagang ganyan ang buhay.

Miss ko na ga po kayo Papa. Minsa’y naiisip ko na hindi sigurado ganito kahirap ang buhay kung nadine kayo. Malamang na hindi ako malayo kina Ineng. Malamang na mas masaya. Pero Masaya po ako Papa. Sa totoo lamang ay napakaraming nagmamahal sa akin. Maraming nnagaaalala para sa akin at alam ko na kahit wala ka na dito, hindi ako magiisa kahit kailan. Siguro po ay dahil na rin sa mga turo ninyo ng Mama na ipinagpapasalamat ko po. Maraming salamat po Papa. Maraming salamat po sa inyo ng Mama.

Tutulog na po ako. Namiss ko lamang po ang ating huntahan bago ako matulog. I miss you Papa. See you when I get there.

Isa Pang Yakap, Papa.

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Nung huli tayong nagusap, naaalala ko pa po ang huli nyong sinabi. “Hindi sa lahat ng oras andito si papa. Pag nawala ako, ikaw na ang partner ni mama.”

Hindi ko po kinakalimutan. At pagkatapos nga ng ilang araw, iniwan mo na kami.

Papa, hindi ko po alam kung nasa tamang daan ako. Hindi ko rin po alam kung tama ang ginagawa ko pero hindi ko rin po alam kung ano mang mali ang ginawa ko. Sinasaisip ko lang po ang bilin nyo.

Pa, kung andito ka magsusumbong po ako. Kung paano po ako nasaktan at nasasaktan. Kung anong hirap ang mga dinaanan namin at mga dinadaanan pa. Kung gano ko kagustong magsalita sa lahat ng nanakit kay mama at sa mga kapatid ko. Kung gaano ko kagustong baguhin yung buhay na naiwan nyo.

Pero hindi ko po gagawin dahil kayo din po ang nagturo saakin ng lakas ng loob, paggalang sa tao, pagpanig sa tama, at wag na wag ang sasagot sa mas matanda. Na huwag susuko, na pamilya muna, na walamg imposible sa nagsusumikap, na libre mangarap pero pagtatrabahuhan para makuha yon. Tinuro nyo rin po na tayo-tayong pamilya lang ang magtutulungan. Nakita ko po sainyo kung paano maging tunay na kaibigan. Tinuro nyo po na hindi pera ang sukatan, kundi ang moral, na dapat magpakababa sa lahat ng oras. Napakadami pa po. Dala-dala ko naman lahat.

Sa ngayon po, nahihirapan man kami ni mama, malayo man kami nina ineng sa isa’t isa, may mga taong maliit ang tingin saamin, may mga taong pilit na sasaktan kami, alam ko naman po na hindi susuko kahit isa sa pamilya naten, hindi ko rin po sila susukuan.

Pero, hihingi po sana ako ng pabor. Papa, isang yakap pa po. Yung mahigpit.

 

I Fell In Love With a Woman.

There was one thing i realized when i stared at her photo. I can see beauty, strength, courage and faith all at the same time. I can see a woman who never  gave up. And I realized, I am in love with her.

As Ive heard, this woman had huge dreams, one thing I loved about her. She had mistakes but no ,regrets for all this has helped her to be the best woman I know. She was never selfish, never arrogant and never forgets to help. She knows how to stop a child from crying. She knows how to make a man happy. She can be your best friend, your sister, someone you can seek answers from, good and sincere answers. She was never madamot.  And she never threw stones back to those people who threw bricks at her. Simply, she has a good heart.

I have lost the first man I ever fell in love with and I cannot afford to lose the woman who taught me how to love. The woman who taught me of surviving, trust, faith, fear of God, love of family and hope. The woman who makes me smile when I can’t, who has the perfect timing of helping me get up when i think I have no one. I seriously see her so perfect that I promised to adore her forever.

Today, I promise to love her forever. Today, I promise to keep her safe. Today, I promise to love her first before myself. Today, I promise to keep our dreams alive. Today I promise to stay by her side until the end. Today I promise to make her happy.

I will build that house for you. I will fly high just like we’ve been dreaming. I will be there always for the girls. I will be with you through thick and thin. We will fight this tough life and survive together.

Today is your day but I am not saying all these because of that. Everybody knows how much I love you and that i look up on you.

Mama, there can never be  any word to describe how much we love you, how much we treasure you. Happy Mother’s day mama. I salute you. No giving up.

a father’s love

this morning i planned to go to my friend’s house … it was her father’s 4oth day (death). i saw my nails are all bad to look at. they really are dirty so i decided to clean them and unfortunately saw that the remover was all empty. i went to the nearest store and search for this pink remover and to look for the best color of nail polish for my nails. (they are growing really yellowish because of always putting this nail colors).

people are all staring at me. no wonder, my hair is curled up because of this interview i attended yesterday (and i haven’t had my bath yet, haha).

well, anyway, as i was looking for these items, i heard a child said, “tatay, gusto ko ay yung yellow,”. I looked at the kid and she was with a sister and her father. the other said; “ay! binili ako ng inay nito nung pasko. kaganda nga.”, while holding a little bag on her hand. they were both smiling while holding there umbrellas. “ate, iyo yang red ha? akin tong dilaw.”

“cge.”

“ayan ha, naibili na. ay dapat makaperpek na sa skul ha.” said their Tatay. and they all laughed. He held his daughters’ hand and walked towards the cashier.

i smiled on them. I saw the father’s eyes, and by that i remembered something.

That day i was with my father. we were about to pick my lolo at the port (my lolo is a ship captain). while we were on our way, my lola called and said that my lolo’s schedule was cancelled. we were at manila already so Papa decided that we just hop at the nearest mall to eat (that was lunch time already and i really have to have some grubs).
it was like a father-daughter date. people stares at us and smiled. i heard them say i look very much like my father. and i got his height too. i didn’t get bored with our date. i enjoyed it actually. after eating, we walked around and try to find something to bring home. while my father was looking for a pair of shoes at the dept. store, i stopped by a goo0d-looking shirt. i wasn;t aware Papa was on my back already. he picked the shirt held my hand and lead me to the nearest fitting room. i just smiled while he was dragging me. after fitting the shirt and showed him (he said, “ang ganda ng damit, ikaw pangit,” and laughed.
we just bought donuts and went home….

while on our way, i feel very happy. i have something to boast about with my sisters. i knew they’ll get jealous of this. hehe, im really maldita when i’m young.
that time i feel so proud with the shirt.

NOW…. i feel so happy to have him as my father. he gave me, not everything, but all i needed, what our family needed. I am lucky to have him.

and you guys, whose their father are still with them, nagging all the way whenever caught in curfew, working everyday to give you baon for school, getting mad on his princess’ suitors telling her he’ll kill the guy, will say he does not want her joining pageants but will be the first one to clap whenever he sees her onstage, will bring and pick you up at school, wil say “anak”, a father you’ll see hugging your mom, a father that you can hear laugh like roaring lion. i feel very lucky to have a father like him, but you are luckier to have him beside you for a longer time. i would have wanted him beside me, i would have wanted someone to guide me and my sister, i would have wanted an adviser, but i have chances no more.

a father’s love is what on infant inside her mother’s arms craves for. what I, janice, my kuya and some other craves for. treasure him. love him and respect him while he’s still around. while you still have time, and when the moment comes that he have to go, you won’ have any regret .

miss you Papang….